icarus

I never wanted to fly high: I was too fond of walking
So when you said you'd reach the sky, thought it was a way of talking
But you told me you'd build some wings, you'd found out how it could be done
But I was doubtful of everything, never thought you'd reach the sun.

A student of mine, a young lad of some fourteen summers, asked me if I had always wanted to be a teacher the other day. God no, I told him, I never wanted to be one! He also told me that he thought I was a good teacher which, to my shame, I snorted at. "No, you are, my grades have gone up this year - I've done well. You explain things in an interesting way and you use film more than any of the other teachers." That was actually quite nice to have a young student say something like that. A colleague - a History teacher - was also thanked for being a student's teacher this year. This is quite unusual.

At the Sixth Form Prom the other week I found out that one or two of my Film Students quite enjoyed having me as their teacher. This is all very gratifying and I'm not blowing my own trumpet (it doesn't have strings, so I can't play one anyway*) quite the opposite, in fact. As I possibly face the last year or two of teaching, it is an absolute pleasure to think back and realise that, perhaps, things didn't work out too badly after all.

I was the first person in my family to go to university. The fact that I did it in my late thirties was possibly even more remarkable. Apropos of nothing, the second to go is a PhD working for the Ministry of Truth or whatever they're called now. Germ Warfare or something. Anyway, having never done anything properly in my life, even that was as haphazard as everything else in my life seems to be. After leaving secondary school like Rodney from Only Fools and Horses with two O levels - one of them in, like him, Art - I eventually gave up all pretences of following a career in Graphic Art. There were so many talented people on the course that I just realised in a rare moment of common sense that it was never going to happen. A few years of working in factories beckoned.

Just as I got married the factory I worked in decided that I was to be made redundant. My circumstances necessitated a quick fix. And so I entered the World of Insurance. It kept us fed and housed along with Mrs Dave's far better income from teaching. We moved from our chosen home of Bedfordshire (A1, near Stevenage, cheaper housing, Jordan's Mill and a pub with no bar) down here to the East Coast about twenty five years ago.

I absolutely detested working in the Insurance industry and I managed to do it for some ten years. I apologise to anyone I ever sold a pension, mortgage or any policy at all to. I don't apologise to any of the crooks and cowboys I had the absolute misfortune to have to work for. Being a fairly honest person, I couldn't bear it. The day I was told I was to be made redundant (early nineties) I was actually relieved. Although we suffered hard times again, I applied to Essex Uni and got in - not only that, I'd blagged my way in to completing my degree in two years instead of three. Whilst studying there we had our third child putting even more financial strain on us. at one point during this time, I had three part time jobs as well. Interestingly, one of which was where I had worked with the father of the student I mentioned at the start of this post. Even my teacher training was unusual. I won't go into detail but I trained at one of the schools that I now work at (two have become one under the Academy) and actually managed to get paid to do it as an instructor.

Things began to change.

I'm not writing my full autobiography here so will cut this a bit short. As usual, I'm going off the point. As I said, perhaps things haven't worked out as badly as they could have.

I never flew high, I never really wanted to. I would like to have been successful as a songwriter or as a musician but massive stage fright seemed to have always helped to keep those back (amongst other psychological hangups). However, many friends and fellow travellers have climbed their chosen trees very high indeed. Some have flown high, some like Icarus, have crashed and burned. Amongst the successful public figures, photographers, artists, musicians and, yes one millionaire, success has been accepted on whatever terms that were offered. Friends are still making a living in whatever capacity as musicians and artists. It's not easy and I don't think it's going to get any easier. 

We are saying goodbye to a lot of colleagues of a similar age to ourselves this week. No matter what anyone thinks, teaching is a tough career choice. It certainly is nowadays. Many who are going have decided that for their own personal health reasons that now is a good time to go. Good luck to them all. Whatever your own pathway, I hope that it worked out well.

To refer back to my student's question, I would be very interested to know what any of you wanted to be when you were at school.

I can't help about the shape I'm in
I can't sing, I ain't pretty and my legs are thin
But don't ask me what I think of you
I might not give the answer that you want me to

Oh well

Now, when I talked to God I knew he'd understand
He said, "Stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand
But don't ask me what I think of you
I might not give the answer that you want me to"

Oh well

* yes, yes, I know, I can't play things with strings very well, either!
By the way, if the Bruegel painting above is not familiar to you, check the lower right hand corner.